Igorot Jokes: Volume 2

Joke 7:

Adda t naka mascara nga nag hold-up t maysa nga bus jay manila. “Ilabas at tanggalin lahat ang inyong mga pera’t alahas at ilagay dito sa bag ko, kung hindi’y papatayin ko kayo..” sinaga-sagaysa na amin enggana nakadanon jay kaudian nga pasahero (ibontok nga naka leather jacket). “Akin na yang leather jacket mo.” “tsa.. luga-lugak ya..?? (its very old)” kunan jay igorot. Sinmungbat met jay hold-uper with the same language, tone & accent “tsa.. ulay man..!! (whatever)."

Joke 8:

Pulis: Sino nakakita aksidente?
Kiangan: Siak sir! Nangisit nga van ti nakadungpar dita ubing.
Pulis: Naalam ti plate number na?
Kiangan: Haan ta nakaturnilyo met

Joke 9:

Tourist - May I join you?
Kiangan - Why, am i coming apart?  
Tourist - I mean may i join you in a cup of coffee?
Kiangan - Ngane? Adi ta umanay hinan tasa.....

Joke 10:

INA: Anak, tawagim kha's dadim ta on-akad kha nin ale! (Anak, tawagam man ni daddy'm ta agawid koma.)

ANAK: Mama, Bi-i met i sinmongbat! (Mama, babae met diay simungbat!)

INA: Arah! Agpayso sota sutpetsak ay waray kabit nen tatang mo! Ngantoy kwan nita bii? (Ay apo! Agpayso gayam diay sutpetsak nga adda ti kabit ni tatang mo! Ania kunana diay babae?)

ANAK: "You have zero balance in your account!" Kwan to met! (You have zero balance in your account, kunana met.)

INA: Ayuh! Kashianak mango ni abos! Insa-dat towak emo lad 'merikano! Ita met ja emanEngdis. Pinshowam khan tawagan! (Ay apo! Kasian dak! Insukat nak sa met ti amerikana. Umaninglish met dayta. Tawagam man manen!)

ANAK: Sota bii met mowan, kwan toy please reload immediately! (Isu met lang ti simungbat, diay babae manen, kunana nga please reload immediately!)

INA: Ayoh! Ita met gayam, marama! Jet ngantoak emo mango?! (Ay apo, madama met gayam! Ket kasa-noak ngayen?)

Joke 11:

Nakatakas si Erap, FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa  isang farm...

Terorista1: Anong nakita mo dyan?

Terorista2: Mga sako lang.

Terorista1: Tingnan mo ang laman! Sinipa ng terorista ang unang sako, "Meow", sabi ni FVR!

Terorista2: Pusa! Sinipa ang pangalawang sako, "Aw aw!" sabi ni GMA!

Terorista2: Aso!

Sinipa ang ikatlong sako... Walang tunog kaya sinipa uli ito ng sinipa ng terorista.

Dahil sa sakit ng sipa, napasigaw na si Erap. "Patatas!"

Joke 12:

It is believed by some that Staten Island, New York was named by an Igorot.  According to some, the first foreigners to set foot on this place were a boat of Filipinos.  On that boat was an Igorot who had much better vision than his lowlander companions because his eyes were conditioned to spotting things far into the mountains where he came from. Unable to speak Tagalog, the Igorot spoke in English and vice-versa for the lowlanders.

He was the first to see the body of land we now know as Staten Island.  Upon seeing it, he jumped up, pointed to the small and distant shores and yelled, "Eesdaten Ayland?"

Joke 13:

Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?

Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.

Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?

Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!